MAKANI

It sucks when you realize that you’re days together are limited. I’m so happy that the guys get 3 days weekends and especially that the marriage retreat is coming up buuuut it’s just a reminder that the time is coming soon. Haw 9 months is a long time. It’s not that I can’t handle it because I know I can. It’s just when I look at my girls that’s when my heart feels it. They are such daddy’s girls, I really don’t know what to expect on how my oldest will react. This is life. We deal with it the best way we can. We’re living in the moment for now.

OMG Amelia just took her first steps!!! It was funny bc Bubba said, “lets do this, we’re gonna walk right now” And slowly but surely she started taking a few steps on her own. We were sooo proud!! She’s only 10 months but yet so advanced. After seeing her take her steps, I just sat and hung out with her. Observing every movement and this chick acts so old. She loves my itouch, especially when it plays Beyonce. She dances to all her songs, she just recently started mumbling (singing) while it plays as well. She kisses Kelia mostly every morning all on her own…even down to her stuffed animals. It’s so dam cute. Time has flew by and it’s weird comparing her first year to Kelia’s. It felt as if Kelia was a baby for so long and now that we have 2 girls. I can’t keep up with them. Constantly growing, learning and maturing. It’s amazing! Trying to take in every stepping stone that they make. Soon Amelia will be a year old and I may just lose it. Anyways, proud mommy moment. It makes it even better bc Bubba got to witness it before deploying. So special :)

Last Saturday, I spent 7 hours consuming the most interesting information I’ve learned in a while. Taking this class got me to think about SO much. Mainly, my parenting. I’m like dam, I could’ve handled things differently. Or I should’ve been more understanding when that happened. But you live and you learn. I think it’s been my purpose to be a mother so to take this class and benefit from it makes me so eager to learn much more in this field. You learn how to understand why children act out the way the do. The people who influence it, how to handle conflicts. I seriously enjoyed every minute of it. My teacher is awesome and there’s only 4 other woman in the class so it’s more of a discussion class. Anyways, a big part that got me thinking was how children learn. Every child is it’s own individual and I think a lot parents don’t like to accept that. We talked about how nowadays, parents push their child to be ahead to only benefit themselves NOT the child. And I could agree. A lot of parents like to show case their child to only make themselves look good. Think about it, would you still do those things if it went unrecognized? I mean, yes there’s parents out there who boast out their pride for their child’s accomplishments which I admit: I do. But then there’s parents who do it for all the wrong reasons. I look at my girls and I want to guide them the most that I can but ultimately I want them to be who they want to be. A parent will only physically be there for so long until the child will have to decide things for themselves. And that’s what I think of when it comes to parenting. How will my girls act when I’m not there? I wish I could protect and fight every battle for them but its unrealistic. Idk, this whole class got me thinking like on a whole ‘nother level of my life: my parenting, what I portray, the person that I am. I guess, I can look at myself as a “work in progress.”

Today was my first day joining the crossfit class and to be honest I was sooooo nervous!! Like I couldn’t even sleep last night bc I was so nervous. I went to a cross fit class trial back at home and let me tell you, that shit was brutal! My hopes of joining were kind of shot because I was thinking how in the world can I do this?! I felt as if it was out of my reach and impossible. Everyday I go to the gym and I see this class going on and inside I’m telling myself “I wanna do that!” or “I wanna have strength like that” It’s a feeling that I want so bad. Throughout my workouts I’ve always thought about okay, if i join cross fit I need to have at least some type of strength. I feared that I wouldn’t be strong enough or be able to keep up with the class. Just as I did 7 months ago back at the trial class. I know everyone has to start somewhere. So I winged it. I went and loved it. Sometimes you think your body isn’t capable of doing certain things. I was surprised that I could do a lot of exercises. i know a lot of it is mental though. My body is beat but I’m looking forward to this new beginning. Sounds lame but I finally conquered my fears. Lol, I can’t describe how good it feels. I’ve always told my husband that one day I’m going to join cross fit. I don’t think he took me seriously. From being home, over weight, and inactive in everything…to coming here; going to the gym 6 days a week, enrolling myself into college, an italian class, and cross fit. It’s a 360 for me and other than being a mother, it makes me proud. Idk I’m just really happy where I’m at in life.

I think that’s one of the biggest things I’ve accomplished so far since I’ve gotten here. It’s the one thing I really benefitted from since the first time my husband left for training and I was stuck here all my by myself. I miss him a lot but I know I’ll be okay. When he’s home everything revolves around him and the girls. I make every meal for him, take him to and from work, cleaning and making sure everything else at home is on point. It’s not hard at all but we do sacrifice what we really want quite often. I think all wives/spouses can relate. We hardly have time for ourselves. And the only time I have that “time” is when Bubba leaves. I feel like I can focus on myself and what I really want. My priorities (aside my family) are to go to school and live healthy. I’ve never been so motivated and so hungry for my goals. Ever. And I finally came to a point where I’m like okay, this is me. This is what I want in my life. And it’s such a great feeling. I believe this is what leads me to living a happy life. Although, I do need to find balance when Bubba gets back. Usually, I jump right back into the wifely duties, waiting around on his schedule, and put all my focus on keeping him right. Every day is a learning experience for me. I grow and get stronger as a whole. I’m loving it.